Two Heads Are Better Than One
by Peeves' best friend
Summary: Masterpiece of fanfiction concerning the body of James Sirius Potter, and the minds of James Potter and Sirius Black. How does that work? Honestly, they're not quite sure themselves. What IS important is this: They're eleven (32 and 47, actually). They're the son to Harry Potter (father and godfather, actually). And they're returning to Hogwarts! (That's true.) Co-Author: MsCalypso
1. Chapter 1

**Hello readers! Welcome to "Two heads are better than one", our (I'll get to that in a second) newest masterpiece. This story is first and foremost a comedy. Plot, character development and all that is second to us having fun writing, and you hopefully having fun reading. If you spot any mistakes -chronology, names, impossibilities, etc.- feel free to point them out, preferably in a nice way, and we'll (again, I'm getting to that) see about fixing it. This story is co-written (see, I'm getting to it,) by myself, Peeves' best friend, and my dear friend, MsCalypso ( **** u/4645591/MsCalypso ). We both have other works in progress (hers noticably more productive than mine), but seeing as my profile has been around longer and gets more hits, we decided to post this story on my profile to get it more attention.**

**Now, about the story. This story is about James Sirius Potter. Only, James Sirius Potter is actually James Potter and Sirius Black. Somehow, Harry Potter's father and godfather managed to get reincarnated as the same person. The rest, you'll have to find out for yourself. **

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER! AND READ THE STUFF ABOVE THIS AND AT THE END OF THIS! IT'S IMPORTANT!**

* * *

**TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE**

**Chapter one**

_James Sirius Potter had never expected to return to Hogwarts.  
_**Excuse me, James Potter AND Sirius Black had never expected to return to Hogwarts.  
**_Sirius, I'm trying to do an inner monologue here..  
_**Yes well, you don't sound as cool as you think you sound. I'm not a Potter. And I'm not you.  
**_Will you .. just.. Sorting hat! Pay attention!_

**I couldn't even pay attention the first time around! And the time for inner monologuing is over Prongsy! You'll have to get used to inner dialoguing!**

_Of all the people in the world, I just had to get stuck with you. Again._

**Oh pishposh, you know you love me!**

_Love you? I don't love you, I-_

Am I interrupting something boys?

_**YES!**_

_I mean, no, damn. Padfoot. We should have foreseen this little S.H.O.R.-_

Spelling doesn't work Potter. You tried that last time.

**Yeah Potter, come up with some new tricks.**

_SIRIUS! Be serious._

**Best pun you could come up with Prongsy?**

Well aren't you two adorable, how long has this little reunion been going on?

_I do not feel comfortable sharing that information._

**Oh get over it Prongs, so we had to go through the diaper-stage of life again, there were bright sides to it as well!**

_Like what?_

**I'd have thought it was obvious! We actually got to remember the breastfeeding this time around, and from a hottie as well!**

_SIRIUS! Why do you always go too far? Seriously, that's my son's wife._

**Oh I'm being very Sirius.**

_SIRIUS!_

**You started it!**

Riiiiiiiiiiight. I'm not getting paid enough to listen to the two of you bickering.

**If I'm correct you don't get paid at all, you silly old sombrero.**

_Will you just get it over with and place us into a house already._

**Ehm. Not just A house. We need THE house. Gryffindor please. And would you hurry; we're hungry.**

_Maybe it would be best if we didn't piss off the sombrero._

I'm NOT a sombrero!

**Yes yes. Now. Hurry. They are staring at us.**

Ugh. Get out of my head.

_Or… hear me out, - I've had this theory for a long time – you get out of my head?_

**Ahum, Prongs?**

_Our head, sorry, our head._

Blast. Another seven years of terror. Fine. You're McGonagall's problem now.

_Let's not tell her about this little chat, okay?_

Now that depends, why wouldn't I?

_Because that would make our lives hell._

**Which would mean we would have to make your life hell in return.**

Any more than the last time you two were around? I don't see how that's possible.

**You too!? What is up with people holding past events against me!? I blew my nose in you once. ONCE!**

_Wait, you did what? Where was I during all of this?_

**Why with dearest Lily of course! The word fornicating comes to mind.**

_Oh, that's alright then._

GRYFFINDOR! Now get away from me you idiots! Your secret's safe with me, just leave me alone!

_**Deal!**_

Quickly, James Sirius Potter took off the sorting hat, and arrogantly walked over to the Gryffindor table filled with fervently clapping Gryffindor students. Dropping down on the bench beside a ridiculously tiny blond boy, James Sirius stared at the empty golden plate in front of him and could almost hear his stomach growl. Then, his attention jumped back to the new kid getting sorted. The silly old sombrero, as James Sirius had called it, was almost falling off of the new pupil's head. Then the kid got sorted into Hufflepuff. No surprise there. The boy almost tripped over his own feet making his way to the yellow table.

**I think that went quite well!**

_We need to redefine your definition of 'well'. It was easy enough to fool that son of mine as we were 'growing up'. But I'm also quite convinced that he got hit over the head with something during the last war._

**Didn't that Neville kid hit him with a sword, by accident? Also, isn't he a professor?**

_Aye._

**Are we really going back to 'aye'? Wasn't last summer enough torture for me?**

_Aye!_

**I think someone is talking to us.**

_Wait what?_

**While we are inner-dialoguing in here, someone is talking to us out there.**

_Who was on watch-the-outside duty!?_

**There's nothing to be gained from pointing fingers and placing blame! We're getting weird looks! Think fast!**

_Uh. Uh. Uh. Ok. I got this_

"Hi, I'm James" *cough* "Sirius Potter. James Sirius Potter, nice to meet you."

_REALLY? Did you seriously just take over mid sentence just to use our full name?_

**Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, maybe you shouldn't be a meanie and ignore the fact that that son of yours, as you call him, named us after the both of us!**

_Wait what?_

**I don't even know anymore. Freakin' pronouns.****  
**

Onderkant formulier

"Hello!" James Sirius Potter heard "My name is Keith. So you're in Gryffindor too huh? Cool, right? I always wanted to be in Gryffindor!"

**Keith sounds like a little girl****  
**_A very annoying little girl._  
**A very annoying little girl who is never going to get laid.****  
**_The kid's eleven Sirius. Stranger danger._  
**We're eleven. God. Ugh, Keith, thanks for almost making me throw up in my mouth.**  
_I don't like him, let's stare him down!_

James Sirius stared intently at Keith, who looked back uncomprehendingly. When James Sirius didn't relent, Keith started to shift in place awkwardly, fumbling with his sleeve, trying to avoid James Sirius's intense glare.  
**GLARE HARDER!****  
**_I'm glaring as hard as I can!_  
**You're obviously failing, here, let me try!**  
_Sirius don't!_

JSP's face contorted awkwardly for a second before evening out again. Keith opened his mouth to ask if he was okay, when JSP turned his stare right back at him, opening his eyes as wide as they could go, leaning forward in his seat as far as he could, as he breathed deeply through his nose. Keith paled, looked up again, let out a little whimper, and stood up to go sit further down the table.

**See? THAT's how you glare!**  
_Congratulations, you just scared an eleven year old kid. I'd pat you on the shoulder if I could.  
_**Do you want to try?**  
_Let's not._  
**Oooh, look! It's McGonagall! Aw, after all those years, she still looks ready to strangle us at any moment.**  
_We saw her two weeks ago.. When she came by the house.. remember?_  
**Will you let me have my moment!**  
_Not after you scared the eleven-year-old._

The one thing James and Sirius did agree on, was that while Minerva McGonagall was quite the impressive headmistress, she was no Dumbledore. No hidden puns in her speech, no welcome songs, not even a mention of a lemon drop, instead, they were once again banned from the forest, and - weirdly enough - the Northern Tower.

**James. pssht. James…****  
**_No one else can hear you but me!_  
** Yeah, I know, tell me about it. Anyways, why wouldn't we be allowed in the Northern tower? And more importantly, does this mean we don't have Astronomy?  
**_More importantly, more importantly, does this mean we're using the Cloak tonight to sneak into the Northern Tower?_  
**I am appalled that you even dare ask me that.**  
_Fair point._

**So, we're waiting for... what, exactly?**  
_We're waiting for the Prefects to take us to the Common Room, which we don't know the location of._  
**Oh... Right. We're eleven.**  
_Precisely._  
**Can we be an eleven year old naturally gifted at finding our Common Room?**  
_No Sirius, we cannot._  
**Aww man, sharing a body with you sucks!****  
**_Could've been worse._  
**I honestly don't see how right now.**  
_You could've gotten stuck with a poof._  
**... How's that different from being stuck with you?****  
**_Shut up you scruffy street dog. Also, how would we enter, it's not like we know the password._  
** Don't tell me you have lost your charms now that you're eleven? Or, rather, tell me that you have, I'd like to see you disappointed when Fatty tells you to go fuck yourself.**  
_If only I could slap myself without making myself a social outcast..__  
_**Slap US. You'd think that after eleven years you'd get that down, Prongs! .. WHY ARE WE STANDING UP?!**  
_We're going to the common room with the first years. Stop freaking out whenever we move.__  
_**You promised me you would inform me before you moved the body.**  
_Yeah, well, sometimes there is no time for that!_  
**NO TIME FOR THAT? NO TIME FOR THAT? YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN ME A HEART ATTACK!****  
**_You're SUCH a drama queen Padfoot.__  
_**Don't talk to me, I'm mad at you.**  
_Oh yes, because you haven't tried this a thousand times before._  
**...**  
_ ..._  
**...**  
_ ..._  
**STOP THINKING ellipsis!**  
_Or else what? You're already ignoring me. Also, we're about to reach the Fat Lady, if we want to get the password, we should pay attention._  
**We-**  
_Also also, I won._  
_... You're blocking our feet._  
**Then you better apologize Potter.****  
**_WE NEED THE PASSWORD_  
**APOLOGIZE OR WE WILL SLEEP OUTSIDE TONIGHT!**  
_Fine, I'm sorry, okay._  
** Sorry for what, you should specify.**  
_I DON'T KNOW! I'm just sorry okay, I'll be nicer._  
**That's the spirit.**

Suddenly, James Sirius's feet started to move again, and he almost had to run to catch up with his new classmates. Almost, for he was James Sirius Potter, and he had flair. Coming to a halt in front of the prefect, he slickly messed up his hair. Sternly, the prefect looked around to see if everyone was present before his eyes came to rest upon James Sirius.

**I don't like him.**  
_You don't like anyone._  
**I like myself.**  
_Nobody else does._  
**YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO BE NICER!**  
_I say a lot of things._  
**You are so lucky we're sharing this body.**  
_See, that's just not true. Even when we were both still, you know, alive and separate, you couldn't take me.__  
_**... Why are we friends again?**  
_How do you keep forgetting this? We've been over that question a thousand times!_  
**Well your behavior is so bad, it keeps reoccurring to me!**  
_*sigh* Fine, we're still friends because of all the fun we have had and can still have together.__  
_**Did you really just think '*sigh*' ? First with the ellipsis's and now this.**  
_Well I need to get my message across somehow!_  
**Okay, so, you are not going to like this.**  
_What is it now?_  
**We missed the password, Fatty's portrait is open and the little ones are entering.**  
_By Merlin's stained boxers! You are on watch-the-outside-duty! You're supposed to keep an eye on things!_  
**Well, I tried, but then you acted all arrogant again.**  
_This is not my fault._  
**It never is!**  
_Ugh. Let's just go._

James Sirius Potter blinked, and suddenly shot into action, causing the other first years around him to look up in surprise. The dark haired boy gave off the impression of being on lockdown half the time. James Sirius climbed through the portrait hole and entered the cozy, circular Gryffindor Common Room. He sighed contently.

_Just like I remember._  
**Amen brother.****  
**_The good times we had here. All the pranks planned. The hours of studying we went through to master our Animagus forms. My heroic attempts at wooing Lily. The one time when we managed to use the fire to Floo the Minister's office, and you decided that your bladder needed to be emptied right then and there. Oh, and when we won the Quidditch Cup for the first time and we had the-_  
**Not to stop you from reminiscing, but if we want first pick at a bed this would be a good time to fool the other firsties into using the wrong stairs, seeing as the Prefects appear to have forgotten the little detail of directing us to the proper staircase.**

_Muhahahahaa_  
**Don't. Just. Don't laugh manically in our head. It gives me headaches.**  
_MUHAHAHAHHAHAAAA -uhg uggh._

Suddenly, James Sirius started coughing relentlessly, Causing Keith, who was coincidentally standing next to him, to ask worriedly:  
"Are you okay, James?"

**James SIRIUS. GOD DAMNIT.**

"Yes Keith, I'm perfectly fine." James Sirius said after he had finished coughing. "Let's go to the dormitories, I think it's the stairs on the right, you go on ahead, I'm going to look for some water."

_And that is how you get first pick._

**By stealing my idea and acting all superior to me once you've done so? Oh sure it is.**  
_Just. Shut up and let's watch the chaos, Keith's taking charge, the other dolts are actually following him._

And indeed, Keith had spoken to his fellow first year boys, and was currently leading the group of seven towards the stairs.

_Damnit._  
**What?**  
_Remember how I carried around those shrunken packets of microwave popcorn? Those would've been magnificent right now._  
**Ah yes, one of the many things for which we will forever be grateful to Lily-flower.**  
_I really miss her Pad. I mean, she was- THAT'S HILARIOUS!_  
**BWAHAHAHAHA**

The first year Gryffindor boys had gotten quite far up the girls' stairs, but finally the protective enchantment had activated, transforming the steps into a steep slide, which had sent the boys rocketing downwards, only for them to end up in a groaning pile of limbs.

**Let's go pick out a bed, shall we?**  
_Let's! After you, old chap._  
**Oh no I couldn't possibly. After you.**  
_No need to be polite. After you._  
**I've just found one of the advantages this whole sharing a body thing has. Can't believe it took me eleven years**.  
_Do explain._  
**We can just go at the same time!**  
_Brilliant!_  
**Indeed! So, after us?**  
_Marvelous! After us indeed!_

And with that James Sirius was off, bypassing the pile that consisted of his fellow first years, taking extra care to step on Keith's extended hand, and climbing the stairs to his dormitory.

**Toodles!**

Grinning arrogantly, James Sirius pushed open the heavy oak door with the brass number one it, and the door revealed a far too familiar circular room filled with not the expected 5, but 8, large and comfortable beds. James Sirius smiled.

_That one._  
**You mean your old one?**  
_Yes. That one._  
**Well.. I was going to say that I wanted my old one, but let's face it, yours always had the better window.**  
_Exactly._

Dropping onto the bed which was the furthest from the door, James Sirius looked outside of the window.

**I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to my second time at Hogwarts.****  
**_*content sigh* I agree my old friend, I agree._

Then the door opened, and his fellow first years stumbled in all bruised up.  
"Hello fellows." James Sirius grinned. "Hope you don't mind, I picked my bed already."  
The next two hours passed slowly, as James Sirius waited for his fellows to fall asleep. One by one, the others' breathing evened out. Slowly, he rose out of bed, silently opening his trunk.

**Where did we put it again?**  
_Near the bottom you dolt, just be patient and let me - __  
_**What's that?**  
_A note._  
**Yes I noticed. What does it say?**  
_If you'd unclench our hands so I can pick it up, maybe we could find out._  
**Fair enough.**

James Sirius pulled out the note, and turned it around.

_That handwriting looks awfully familiar._  
**Why did you have to die before you could raise him in mischief?**  
_That blithering idiot is trying to be a responsible father!_

With shaking hands James Sirius read the note Harry Potter, his father, son and godchild had written to him.

_**James**_

**JAMES SIRIUS!**  
_Are you going to do that every time?_

_**While I admire how you managed to sneak into my office unnoticed, it also worries me what you might do at Hogwarts if you could be invisible using my Invisibility Cloak. Instead, consider this a challenge. Don't prank too much and remember you are there to study. You will get what is yours in due time.**__**  
**__**Love, Dad.**__**  
**__**Ps. Write your mother, she wants weekly updates.**__**  
**_  
_Yep. I fathered an idiot.  
_**As long as you're aware of that. ****  
**_This throws a wrench in our plans though._  
**I don't see how.**  
_Really? You don't see how?_  
**Are you going to make me feel stupid?**  
_I'm going to do my very best at least._  
** Oh boy.**  
_Tell me, Sirius, which day is it?_  
**September first.**  
_And how much magic are we actually capable of at this moment in time?_  
**None...**  
_What about the Cloak, or the Map?_  
**The Cloak's still at home and Teddy refused to give us the Map, because we "Haven't earned it yet." Which we both know is an excuse. He wants to keep using it so he can sneak into the castle and pork Victoire for another year.**  
_She's a fifth year! THEY'RE NOT BUMPING UGLIES!_  
**Says you. Now, continue making me feel stupid.**  
_Right. We can't do magic, we don't have the Cloak or the Map and it's September first. Now remind me. What's the second most patrolled day of the year?_  
**... Aww man.**  
_Exactly. There's the night after the end of year feast, and that's immediately followed by the night of September first, when all of the teachers are out and patrolling every square inch of the castle._  
**Drat.**  
_So, what can we do tonight?_  
**ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!**  
_Correct._  
**Damn, and I had plans to go to the kitchens to get me some food.**  
_Now you're saying "me". Why can you do that and I can't?_  
**Because you at least more or less look like you when you were still alive!**  
_Fine. Whatever. Let's just go the bed. We have to pretend tomorrow that we don't know anything about Transfiguration._  
**Well, we don't.**  
_You don't. I do._  
**Hey, don't throw your so called superior intellect in my face! We had the same amount of NEWTS!**  
_Back when we could still do magic._  
**Drat. This will be more difficult than I thought.**  
_Exactly. So, let's go to bed?_  
**Or.. OR... hear me out.. We try to make little Keith wet his bed!**  
_SEE THIS IS WHY WE'RE FRIENDS!_  
**WOOHOO!**  
_All we need is a container we can fill with some warm water._  
**What else do you have a cauldron for? Potions?**  
_Good point!_

James Sirius quietly snuck over to Keith's trunk, scavenging through it before lifting out the kid's cauldron. Grinning eagerly, he slipped into the bathroom, shoving the cauldron under one of the taps before opening it. It took a minute, but when the cauldron was finally sufficiently full, he turned off the tap before sneaking back into the dormitory, quietly putting the cauldron next to Keith's bed.

**You're shitting me.**  
_Karma. It has to be Karma. Keith's obviously a reincarnated Snape._  
**It has to be. He's sucking his THUMB!**  
_I love life again._  
**Oh you're not alone in that.**

Maneuvering Keith's free hand into the cauldron, James Sirius mentally high-fived himself before creeping back to his own bed. Sliding under the covers, his grin widened, oh he couldn't wait to see the chaos unfold.  
Several hours later, and after what James Sirius could only consider a good night rest, he woke up to Keith frantically trying to pull the covers off of his bed. Yawning, he held in a chuckle. Good idea indeed Sirius.  
Several others of the boys had apparently already gone downstairs to breakfast, and he and Keith were the only ones left.  
Swinging his legs out of bed, he stood up and walked over to his roommate.

"Don't worry buddy" James Sirius said, slapping his hand on Keith's shoulder. "It could happen to anybody."  
"Really?" Keith asked hopefully.  
"No." yawned James Sirius slyly. "But that's what you say in situations like these, isn't it?"

_Thank Merlin we emptied the cauldron in the middle of the night and put it back where we found it. Now he's all blaming himself._  
**Psychological** **warfare**.  
_Good one, Sirius!_

"Don't tell anyone." Keith begged the dark haired Potter.  
Running his hand through his hair, James Sirius looked at the mess in front of him. Then he smiled lightly.  
"You can owe me."  
"W-what?" Keith stuttered in surprise, not understanding what he was being told.

**Is this kid for real?**  
_He's eleven._

"You can owe me. That means that I don't tell anyone, and in exchange I get a favour from you, which I can call in later."  
"U-u-uh y-yeah sure, t-that's fine, please ju-just don't tell anybody!" Keith fumbled, beet red as he looked everywhere but at James Sirius.

**Breakfast?**  
_Breakfast sounds good. I'm moving us_.  
**Alright, thanks for the warning.**

James Sirius turned on his heel and left the dorm, moving down the stairs on his way to the Great Hall.

_It really is great to be back at Hogwarts._  
**Yes it is, think of all the mischief we might manage during the next seven years!****  
**_... Oh this is going to be magnificent._  
**Prongsy my dear, I couldn't agree with you more.**

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**Hopefully, you liked this. We had a lot of fun writing it at least. Now some non-story related news.  
\- Yes, I'm still writing Elemental Changes, and yes, MsCalypso is still writing Fleur De La Mer (her last update was less than a week ago, too). We aren't giving up those stories.  
\- No we won't be working with a regular update schedule. She's too busy and I'm too lazy for that to work.  
\- MsCalypso and I will be taking turns as far as the Disclaimers and ANs go. She'll do Chapter 2, so you have that to look forward to.  
\- Chapter 2 is finished, so there will, eventually, be at least one update to this story, other than that, we might give up on this after that. You read this story at your own risk. As long as we're having fun writing, we'll continue.  
\- For those of you still not knowing who MsCalypso is, she's my very awesome friend + sometimes classmate + beta + future co-leader of at least part of the world. She has an amazing Hermione/Fleur fic called Fleur De La Mer, which I beta, and which you can find right here: s/10291475/1/Fleur-De-La-Mer . Go read it, and be awed by her literary skills. Also, it's very fluffy and guaranteed to make you happy.  
Finally, we come to the end of this incredibly long AN, which means the time to urge you to follow, favorite and review, has come. So here goes: Please follow, favorite, and review! It's incredibly motivating to know people are reading and enjoying this story.**

**Signing off, Peeves' best friend (and MsCalypso, but she'll get to talk to you next chapter so for now I'm hogging the spotlight.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N MsCalypso here and with me I bring the second chapter for Two Heads. Now my good friend and co-author Peeves' Best Friend pretty much explained all we try to achieve with this fic in his last A/N (to remind you: we try to achieve nothing but our own entertainment) and I'm not entirely sure what to say here but I would like to thank the two people who thought this was good enough to leave a review. **

**Be warned: we actually do have a plotline, it just hasn't been very clear to us how to follow it. Please stick with us, I'm sure PBF and I will eventually figure out what we are doing. If I don't, he probably will. For some strange and inexplicable reason we tend to suit each other as writers.**

**I hope this chapter gets a laugh out of you, it sure as hell was a lot of fun to write. - MsC**

**TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE**

**Chapter two**

_What do you think you're doing?  
_**I'm about to transfigure that match into a needle... Did we hit our head on something?**  
_Transfiguration is my thing, and also, you're doing it wrong._  
**No I'm not! I'm doing it exactly as I've been doing it for the past thirty years!**  
_Then why is our match still a match?_  
**Because you're distracting me?**  
_Fine, I won't talk, you go right ahead and change that match into a needle. Best hurry up_ _too, we don't want to get beaten to it by a Hufflepuff of all things._

But no matter how hard James Sirius tried, the match remained exactly as it was. It didn't even change colour.

_Willing to give up yet?__  
_**I'm sorry, did I ask for your opinion? It is quite obviously the wand's fault.  
**_I bet that's not the first time you've said that._  
**What?!**  
_I've heard stories you know._  
**Lies. Spread by Snivellus! You know that better than anyone!**  
_Hey hoo. Watcha trying to insinuate here, Padfoot?  
_**Ugh. Shut it, Potter. Let me focus.**  
_Crockett is watching us. You sure you don't want me to take over? After all, I'm sure we can't do any worse than this._  
**Bugger this. I don't get what we're doing wrong.**  
_For once, I'm afraid I have to agree.  
_**Wait what?**  
_You heard me._  
**Sorry, I was expecting a little more from mister ''Transfiguration-is-my-specialty"**  
_Crockett is watching us, just let me take over for a sec._  
**You JUST admitted that you don't know what we're doing wrong either!**  
_Sirius! Just let me-_  
**No I don't want t-**

James Sirius spasmed for a second, before calming again. He didn't look up to acknowledge Crockett's astonished look.

_Now, let's see if we can't do this somehow._

James Sirius casually switched wand hands, tossing it from his right hand to his left one.

_Much better. Now for the actual transfiguration._  
**STOP! This feels wrong! I refuse to be a leftie!**  
_Too bad you get no choice in the matter. Now watch this!_

James Sirius' eyes narrowed in concentration, waving the wand now with his left hand, the match lifted into the air, turned around a couple of times, and then fell to the ground, slipping in between a crack in the floor.

**Well, that was anti-climactic.**  
_At least the match moved when I tried it._  
**And if moving was what we were aiming for, I'd give you all the admiration you so obviously desire, unfortunately though, the match is still a match.**  
_Speaking about the match, it's lost._  
**It's just in between some stones, easy to solve.**  
_Right. Even these tiny tiny fingers can't reach that bloody piece of wood, Sirius._  
**Nothing a summoning charm can't solve.**  
_A summoning charm?! A SUMMONING CHARM?!_  
**What are you yelling at me for now?! What's wrong with a summoning charm?**  
_First of all, we're ELEVEN, we're not supposed to know the summoning charm. Secondly - most importantly - we can't even transfigure a stupid match into a needle, what makes you think we can SUMMON the damn thing?!_

**As if we didn't ever see Harry and Ginny use that spell! Besides, nobody's going to notice!**  
_Fine, you can fail, but when everybody laughs at us when this blows up in our face, I'm blaming you._  
**Why? It'll be the perfect excuse to prank everyone! REVENGE!**

James Sirius blinked once before pointing his wand at the crack, down which his match had gone.  
"Accio," he murmured softly, making sure nobody could hear.  
Of course, nothing happened.  
"Accio," He whispered again, more insistently. He still failed to produce any results.  
"Accio, accio, accio, accio," James Sirius kept trying, growing both louder and more demanding.

_See? I told you this wouldn't work, now stop before you embarrass us._

"Accio damnit!" James Sirius shouted loudly, stabbing his wand at the crack decisively. As he made the movement, both James and Sirius could feel the telltale tingling in their fingertips that went along with magic. This was going to work!  
Slowly, the match started to move and James Sirius started to grin. It really was working!

"Potter!" Professor Crockett called out. "What on earth are you doing?"

JS jumped up in surprise and the smile fell of his face when he noticed the match slip back into the crack.

**You have got to be kidding me.**  
_Oh... darn._

"Potter!" Crockett said again, more curtly this time and walked over the JS's desk. "Care to tell me what that was?"

**Your turn.**  
_Really? You're dropping this on me? Now? When this whole bloody situation is your fault in the first place?_  
**Yes. Good luck Prongs.**

James Sirius looked up into the stern eyes of the Transfiguration Professor and slowly lowered his wand. Realizing that pretty much the entire class was by now staring at him, he nervously ran his hand through his hair.

"Uhm. I .. tried to.. summon the match." He mumbled barely audible.

**You call this solving the situation? Even I could have done better than that.**  
_Then you try it. Because this is not my fault._

"And I want the record to note that it WAS working. You know, until you broke my concentration." James Sirius deadpanned.

_SIRIUS!_**  
****I'm solving it!**  
_You're going to land us in detention you dolt!_  
**No I'm not I- Did you happen to catch what Crockett just said?**  
_I really, really, really hate you right now._  
**That's a no then?**

"Well then Potter? I'm waiting." Crockett spoke impatiently, hands behind his back as he gazed down at James Sirius impatiently.

_Any idea what he's waiting for?_  
**An apology, a 'real' explanation, another attempt at the summoning charm, pigs to fly, hell to freeze over, a-**  
_Alright alright, let's just go with:_

"Sorry, sir?" James Sirius spoke half apologetic, half questioning.

"The Summoning Charm Potter, do it again," Crockett ordered curtly, looking expectantly from James Sirius to the crack between the stones.

**Do you - by any chance - remember how we did this?**  
_I remember us yelling really loudly._  
**And wand jabbing. There was definitely some wand jabbing involved.**  
_Right. I'm guessing I'm doing this?_  
**Pretty much so. But you have my full support behind you.**  
_You're useless. Absolutely useless_

Taking a deep breath, James Sirius stared intently at the crack and slowly raised his wand. Desperately trying to remember what he did different the last time, he once more looked at the wand in his left hand.

**You're doing great.****  
**_Shut up. I need silence._  
**A-o-kay!**

James Sirius took a deep breath and with Crockett watching, he very precisely did the wand movement and spoke "Accio match."

Nothing happened.

_BLAST!_  
**Oh well done. That was magnificent really.**  
_Shut it Sirius._

"Now, please stop disturbing class Potter, you can get a new match at the front of the classroom. Back to work everyone." Professor Crockett spoke, hands behind his back as he pivoted on his heel to return walking through the classroom. James Sirius would have blushed because of the scattered giggling, but blushing was a thing that didn't really... work, anymore, now that James and Sirius were forced to share a body.

**You just humiliated us in front of everyone. Really, I do hope you're proud of yourself.**  
_Shut it Sirius._  
**Honestly, that was the weakest attempt at a spell I've ever seen.**  
_Sirius._  
**And this from the guy who was married to the charms prodigy. Honestly, Lily's blood flows through our veins and you can't even manage a simple Summoning Charm.**

"ACCIO!" James Sirius bellowed angrily, jabbing his wand angrily towards the box of matches at the front of the classroom.

The box shot off of the desk, racing towards James Sirius' head.

_**DUCK!**_

James Sirius dove under his desk, as the box shot inches over his head, before nailing Keith right in the kisser.  
Everyone stared in shocked silence as James Sirius slowly crawled out from under his desk.

_Now look what you made me do._

"Mister Potter." Crockett said in a eerily quiet voice, while the entire class simply stared at James Sirius with open mouths. "10 points from Gryffindor for the reckless use of a spell. Another 10 points for hurting another student while trying to show off."

**WHAT?! YOU JUST... YOU**.

James Sirius stared at the professor, his left eye twitching for a second before his face showed nothing but blatant confidence.

"Sir. You told me I needed to perform the summoning charm." He said slowly, as if to make sure everyone understood him perfectly. "And now that I did you're taking points? What is this? Madness?"

Crockett walked over to the first year and glared at James Sirius

_Oh spiffing._  
**He took points!**  
_And you just made sure that we have detention._

"Detention Potter. You can join me after dinner." Crockett said, narrowing his eyes.

_See?_

A loud groan disrupted the rising tension and suddenly all eyes were on Keith.

"Are you alright mister Burton?" Crockett said with a sigh.  
"Yes." James Sirius continued "Did the evil match box hurt you?"  
"Mr. Potter. Do you want to lose another ten points for your house?" Professor Crockett's eyes narrowed while returning his attention to James Sirius.

_Will you please stop talking out loud? You're only making things worse.__  
_**Oh come on, this whole situation is ridiculous.****  
**_I agree, but even so, that was one hell of a summoning charm.__  
_**Good job us!**

"It was a serious question, sir, clearly that match box had malicious intent!" James Sirius said as earnestly as he could, gazing up at the professor with big eyes.

**Have you no shame?****  
**_You're not losing us the House Cup on our first day here! Now be quiet and let me grovel._

"My head hurts." Keith moaned, one hand over the rapidly reddening mark on his head.

As Professor Crockett walked over to Keith, James Sirius quietly turned in his seat to face the front of the classroom again, ducking his head as he did so.

**You realize we still need a match, right?****  
**_I was hoping that you would have a suggestion.__  
_**We could steal one from that kid, left and front, he's gawking at Crockett.****  
**_Alright, you do it.__  
_**I wondered how we could sink even lower in the eyes of our classmates.. and then I figured: stealing!**

James Sirius silently moved closer to the kid James had pointed out and swiftly snatched his match of the desk.

_Yes, it is obviously one of your brighter ideas. And stealing like a muggle? Bravo.__  
_**Well I wasn't going to try a non-verbal summoning charm now, was I? ****  
**_Yes yes, now move, we are standing awkwardly next to the kid who's match we just stole and he might be stupid and gawking at Crockett, eventually he will figure out that we are standing way too close to be innocent of the heinous crime of stealing a match.__  
_**Oh, right. Thanks for pointing that out.****  
**_My pleasure._

James Sirius quietly went back to his own seat. Putting the match in front of him, he was met with a new - old - dilemma.

**So, back to our earlier discussion, how do we do this?****  
**_You shut up and don't interfere and let me do my magic._

James Sirius performed the wand movement, and calmly uttered the incantation. Unfortunately, he didn't achieve anything, the match remaining exactly as it was.

_I don't get it.__  
_**I haven't gotten 'it' in over two-and-a-half decades mate, why are you complaining?****  
**_Sirius, can you please focus for a second? Our ability to do magic is on the line here.__  
_**You do realize that this whole second chance angle we have going is only going to be worth it if you're actually willing to have some fun, right?****  
**_And you need to realize that we are apparently going to have to relearn EVERYTHING! Please, for the love of everything that is good and beautiful in this world, can you be serious for a minute!__  
_**I am always Si-****  
**_Don't. That hasn't been funny since second year.__  
_**You laughed that time with the donkey! And that was in fourth year!****  
**_Doesn't count.__  
_**Yes it does.****  
**_No, it doesn't.__  
_**Yes it does.****  
**_No, it doesn't.__  
_**Yes it does.****  
**_Fine, yes, it does.__  
_**VICTORY!****  
**_Everybody is staring, could we maybe please focus on the match again?__  
_***sigh* fine.**  
_Honestly, I don't get what's going wrong__  
_**What do you mean?****  
**_Well, I'm doing everything I used to do when Transfiguring something, yet, now it's not doing anything._  
**Maybe we both need to do it.****  
**_What? __  
_**Yeah.****  
**_No. Wait. What do you mean?__  
_**Maybe we both need to do it simultaneously. ****  
**_That is... quite genius actually...__  
_**I have my moments.****  
**_Have them more often, will you? Now. I'll perform the movement, since only one of us can do that, and then together we'll call upon the magic. Does that sound good to you? __  
_**If it goes wrong, I'm next to perform the movement.****  
**_Sounds good. Now let's do this shit._

James Sirius squinted at his match, which looked weird as one eye squinted further than the other. Deliberately, he aimed his wand, jiggling it up and down in preparation.  
Decisively, he stabbed his wand at the match, watching in disbelief as the match actually changed into a perfect needle.

_That actually worked?__  
_**Of course it did! It was my idea!****  
**_Whatever you say Sirius.__  
_**So I have a question...****  
**_Oh joy.__  
_**Are we going to have to do this every time we try a spell? As in, we'll have to do the whole focusing and working together bit even for a mouth refreshing charm?****  
**_Uh... Good question?__  
_**Cause that would suck.****  
**_It would.. But.. If I think about it logically, I think - I hope - it would only be in the beginning like that. Until it becomes sort of like a routine.. Like with all magic. In the beginning it's always tricky, but then you get the hang of it and it all comes naturally.__  
_**I distinctively remember never having issues.****  
**_Really, Patfoot? Really? __  
_**Yes. I'm a genius.****  
**_Right, I forgot that it took you like no time at all to master the Patronus charm. *ahum* two months.__  
_**IT WAS THE BOGGART'S FAULT! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN IF IT'S NOT EVEN PRACTICING WITH THE REAL THING.****  
**_Of course. But do you see my point?__  
_**Fine. Maybe you're right. ****  
**_Let's hope so.__  
_**Anyways, ignoring the horrible possibility that magic might actually be difficult for us, how about lunch?****  
**_ ...__  
_**What?****  
**_Class won't be done for another ten minutes. And this is our first class of the day. We still have two hours of History before lunch._**  
****... ****  
**_What?__  
_**History.****  
**_What about it?__  
_**You're using History as an excuse to not go and have lunch?****  
**_Sirius, it's not even half past ten yet! And seeing as this is our first day, yes, I am. Lunch won't even be served for another hour and a half.__  
_**So?****  
**_So what? Be more specific!__  
_**Fine. a) We're hungry and you know it. b) It's history, Binns won't notice if anyone's missing. c) Kitchens. Do you see my pointS?**

**I'm glad you saw my points.****  
**_Why can't we have tomato with that?__  
_**You've been nagging about that for over 9 years, give it a rest Prongsy!****  
***grumbling*  
**Did you really just-****  
**_Yes, I did, now shut up, I want to talk to Jiffy!_

"This is great Jiffy," James Sirius said, as he contentedly chewed his grilled cheese sandwich.

Jiffy, a house elf James Sirius had known in his previous live(s), blushed furiously.  
"Thank you sir! You is too nice!"

**You know she hates it if you talk with food in your mouth.****  
**_No, we don't know that, and I plan on making her tell us that just like she did during our third year!__  
_**It took us two years to get her that familiar with us!****  
**_I bet we can beat that this time though!__  
_**Why do we try to get familiar with the staff again?****  
**_Now you're just quoting your mother..__  
_**Please don't remind me of her.****  
**_What, are you going to cry?__  
_**... maybe**_**  
**__Please don't, the last time you tried to cry we somehow got a nosebleed.__  
_**Then why are you being mean to me!****  
**_I'm not being mean to you, you're just being a ponce!__  
_**...Ponce? It's 2015 and the best you've come up with since '81 is 'ponce'?****  
**_To be fair, I wasn't exactly around from '82 till '04, now was I?__  
_**Still, in the past eleven years, you didn't think of anything better than ponce?****  
**_Shut up Sirius.__  
_**Pssht. Now where's the fun in that? Speaking of there being any fun in stuff, the staff, us being familiar with them. Why?****  
**_We like Minnie and Flitwick, and we love Hagrid and Jiffy. Why wouldn't we want to_ _get familiar with them?_  
**Well what if they figured it out!?****  
**_We've been dead for years! How could they possibly figure it out!_

"Yous reminds Jiffy of someone sir! Yous looks very much like James Potter, yes?"

**There you go, it took Jiffy one whole second. And will you close our mouth? We're gaping at her.**

James Sirius quickly closed his mouth so Jiffy could no longer see the food and swallowed his sandwich. "Err. Yes, Jiffy, very good of you. James Potter was my grandfather, you see."

**Smooth. ****  
**_Can you just stop with the irony for a second. I'm trying to save us here.__  
_

"You look very much like him sir. Spitting image Jiffy supposes."

"Potter-looks, Jiffy, we're a very old family, and every Potter man has had the Potter hair and chin!" JS spoke proudly, puffing his chest as he/they'd been expected to do a lifetime ago.

**Really though, I can get Minnie, Flitwick and Hagrid, but Jiffy and the other elves are... you know... Servants. ****  
**_Well yes, but them liking us is so useful. Plus, they're nice. Why are you even making a thing out of this? It was your idea to befriend them the first time!__  
_**Circumstances have changed.****  
**_Circumstances have cha- oh you're kidding me.__  
_**What?****  
**_Please tell me you are joking.__  
_**What?****  
**_Did you seriously force us to befriend the elves because you wanted to get at your mom?__  
_**Well I mean it's not that-****  
**_SIRIUS!__  
_**Well I didn't know we'd actually like the little buggers! You knew pissing my mom off was the only reason I ever did anything!****  
**_I cannot believe Jiffy and the others didn't mean anything to you. She bloody well saved your nuts that time with that Ravenclaw whose girlfriend you shagged!_

"Sir, is you alright?" Jiffy asked curiously, gazing up at the still puffed up boy who was staring into space.

"Errrrrr -"

**Okay we really need to stop doing that.****  
**_Well I haven't seen you come up with a solution yet! It's hard to think on your feet when you constantly have someone nagging in your head.__  
_**OUR head****  
**_Yes yes. Our head. Remember watch-the-outside-duty? Wasn't that you today?__  
_**I thought it was you.****  
**_Clearly we suck at this more than we thought. I wonder how they think of us back at home.__  
_**I believe I once heard the redhead describe us as "like Luna before I got to liking her."****  
**_That's a good thing? Right?__  
_**What are you asking me for - MERLIN BE DAMNED JAMES THE HOUSE ELF IS STILL STARING AT US.**

"I'm fine Jiffy." James Sirius finally spoke with a sly grin "I suppose it is just the atmosphere here."

"Yessir." Jiffy nodded with wide eyes "You means what is going on in the Northern Tower."

**Say what now?**  
_What are you asking me for? Ask her!_

"What IS going on at the Northern tower Jiffy?" JS asked curiously.

"You does not know, sir?"

"Obviously not Jiffy" JS sighed and stared pensively into the distance.

"Some elves don't dare to go there anymore at night sir." Jiffy shook her head "Elves keep hearing howling and crying and screeching but no one is there sir."

"Really?" JS asked with a raised eyebrow "and it's only at night?"

"Yes sir" Jiffy looked displeased

**Are you thinking what I'm thinking?****  
**_If you are thinking about taking a trip at night... yes_

* * *

**A/N Right, that was the chapter. I can't believe PBF and I actually wrote two entire chapters for this. I have faith that we will continue in writing some more.**  
**Of course, we have two different and far more ambitious stories going on right now, and I'm pleased to inform you that PBF had the idea to update both of them in the following week. (He sort of forced me to go along) (I admit, he is good at that) So you have an update of both HPatEC and FDLM in your future. We both have a good part written on the upcoming chapters of each story and will try and motivate each other to continue in doing so. Of course, at some point our attention will get lost again. So fingers crossed.**  
**About Two Heads: we don't have another finished chapter lined up. We DO have some outlines written and I'm sure we will continue. But if we don't: please don't shoot us. **  
**Thanks again for reading and please review if you can! - MsC**


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